Glossary of Common Mental Health Therapy Terms

This glossary is here to give simple, plain-language explanations of terms you might see on our website or hear in therapy.

You can simply browse by section, or use the search bar below to search specific terms.

If a term still feels confusing, you can always ask your therapist in session and we’ll explore it together.

General

  • Trauma-informed therapy
    Therapy that recognizes the impact of trauma and prioritizes safety, choice, and collaboration. The therapist avoids pushing you to share more than you are ready to and understands that many reactions are survival responses, not flaws.

    Psychoeducation
    Information provided about mental health, trauma, and the nervous system that helps you understand what you are experiencing and why your reactions make sense.

    Coping skills
    Things you do to try to feel better or to get through a difficult moment. Some are more helpful and sustainable than others. Therapy often focuses on building coping skills that support long term well-being.

    Somatic work
    Approaches that pay attention to the body during healing. This might include noticing sensations, posture, breathing, or movement and using gentle exercises to help the nervous system feel safer.

    Integration
    The process of making sense of your experiences, emotions, and body responses so they feel more connected and less overwhelming. Over time, this can help past events feel like part of your story instead of something that completely defines you.

    Neuroscience
    The study of the brain and nervous system, including how they develop, change, and respond to experiences. In therapy, neuroscience helps explain why trauma, stress, and relationships can have such a big impact on our emotions and behaviors.

    Developmental neuroscience
    A branch of neuroscience that focuses specifically on how the brain and nervous system grow and change from infancy through adulthood. It helps us understand why childhood and teen experiences are so powerful for shaping later emotional patterns.

  • Individual therapy
    One-on-one counseling where you meet with a therapist to explore your thoughts, feelings, and experiences in a private, supportive space. Individual therapy can focus on many concerns, such as trauma, anxiety, depression, stress, or life transitions. Together, you and your therapist work toward understanding patterns, building coping skills, and moving toward the kind of life you want.

    Couples therapy
    Therapy that focuses on the relationship between two partners, rather than seeing one person as “the problem.” In couples therapy, you and your partner meet with a therapist to improve communication, work through conflicts, and better understand each other’s needs, histories, and attachment patterns. The goal is to create more safety, connection, and teamwork in the relationship, whether you are dating, engaged, or married.

    Family therapy
    Therapy that involves two or more family members meeting together with a therapist. Family therapy looks at patterns in how family members interact, communicate, and support each other. It can be helpful when there is conflict, a major change, a child or teen who is struggling, or when past hurts are affecting the family in the present. The focus is on improving understanding, connection, and problem solving within the family system, not on blaming any one person.

  • CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy)
    A type of therapy that looks at the connection between your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. CBT helps you notice patterns that are keeping you stuck, gently question unhelpful thoughts, and practice new ways of coping in everyday life.

    DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy)
    A therapy approach that combines acceptance and change. DBT focuses on building skills in four main areas: mindfulness, emotion regulation, distress tolerance, and interpersonal effectiveness. It can be especially helpful if you experience intense emotions, feel easily overwhelmed, or struggle in relationships.

    EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing)
    A trauma treatment that helps the brain process memories that feel “stuck” or overwhelming. While you briefly bring to mind parts of a difficult memory, the therapist guides you through sets of eye movements or other forms of bilateral stimulation. Over time, the memory tends to feel less distressing and less present-day.

    Emotion Focused Therapy (EFT)
    A therapy approach that focuses on emotions as a central part of healing and change. In EFT, you and your therapist pay close attention to your emotional experiences in the moment, explore patterns in how you respond, and work toward expressing and processing those feelings in new, more helpful ways. EFT is often used with couples and individuals to strengthen connection, reduce conflict, and create more secure, supportive relationships.

    CPT (Cognitive Processing Therapy)
    A structured form of trauma therapy that focuses on how traumatic experiences change the way you see yourself, others, and the world. In CPT, you work with the therapist to identify and gently challenge stuck points, for example beliefs about safety, trust, control, guilt, or worth, so that the trauma feels less defining and less powerful.

    ERP (Exposure and Response Prevention)
    An evidence-based treatment most often used for OCD and anxiety. In ERP, you gradually face situations, thoughts, or sensations that trigger anxiety, while practicing not doing the usual compulsions or safety behaviors. This helps your brain learn that anxiety can rise and fall without you having to do something to neutralize it.

    Prolonged Exposure (PE)
    A structured form of trauma therapy designed to help people with PTSD gradually face memories, situations, and feelings they have been avoiding because of fear or distress. In PE, you work with your therapist to safely talk through the traumatic memory in detail and to approach real-life situations you have been avoiding. Over time, this can help the memory feel less overwhelming, reduce PTSD symptoms, and increase your sense of control in daily life.

    The exposure principles used in PE are also used more broadly in exposure-based treatments for anxiety and specific phobias, where people gradually and repeatedly face the things they fear (such as flying, needles, or elevators) in a safe, supported way.

    ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy)
    A therapy approach that helps you make room for difficult thoughts and feelings instead of fighting them, while still moving toward the life you care about. In ACT, you practice skills like noticing your thoughts without getting hooked by them, connecting with your values, and taking small, meaningful actions even when anxiety, sadness, or self-doubt show up.

  • Trauma
    An experience or set of experiences that feel overwhelming, scary, or too much to handle, especially when you did not have enough support. Trauma is less about the event itself and more about how your body and nervous system were affected.

    Complex trauma
    Ongoing trauma over time, often in relationships that were important to you, such as family, partners, or caregivers. It is usually not just one event, but many experiences that build on each other.

    Developmental trauma
    Stress, unmet needs, or unsafe situations that happen during childhood or adolescence, when the brain and nervous system are still developing. These experiences can shape how you see yourself, relationships, and the world.

    Relational trauma
    Trauma that happens in relationships, for example feeling rejected, shamed, controlled, or emotionally unsafe with people who were supposed to care for you.

    Nervous system
    The body’s communication network that helps you sense danger and safety. It includes your brain, spinal cord, and nerves. It is what triggers fight, flight, freeze, or shutdown responses when you feel stressed.

    Fight, flight, freeze, fawn
    Different ways the body responds to threat or overwhelm:

    • Fight: moving toward the situation with anger or urgency

    • Flight: wanting to get away, escape, or avoid

    • Freeze: feeling stuck, numb, or unable to act

    • Fawn: people-pleasing or caretaking to keep the peace or stay safe

    Window of tolerance
    The range where your nervous system can handle emotions and stress without feeling overloaded or shutting down. Inside the window you may still feel upset or stressed, but you can think, feel, and stay present. Outside the window you may feel extremely anxious, angry, panicked, numb, or disconnected. With prolonged trauma, your window of tolerance can become narrower, or you may find it hard to return to your normal tolerance levels after a stressor.

    Trigger
    Something in the present that reminds your nervous system of a past hurt or danger. The trigger might be a sound, smell, tone of voice, facial expression, situation, or even a thought. Your reaction is to both the present and the past.

    Emotional neglect
    A pattern where a child’s feelings and emotional needs are regularly unnoticed, dismissed, or not responded to, even if their physical needs (food, clothing, housing) are met. Emotional neglect can be quiet and unintentional, but it still teaches a child to hide or doubt their inner world.

    It can be more obvious, like when a child cries and is told, “Go to your room and come back when you’re calm,” or when a teen shares they are anxious and hears, “You’re overreacting. You have nothing to worry about.”

    It can also be very subtle. For example, a teen might write a letter to their parents sharing that they are having thoughts of suicide and the letter is never acknowledged or brought up. Or a traumatic event happens in the family and it is never talked about, even though it clearly affects the child.

    Over time, experiences like these can lead someone to keep feelings to themselves, believe their emotions do not matter, or feel unsure whether they are “allowed” to be upset.

    Attunement
    When someone is emotionally “tuned in” to you. Attunement means they notice your cues, check in with how you are feeling, and respond in a way that fits what you need in the moment.
    Example: A parent notices their child getting quiet and withdrawn and gently says, “You seem a little off today. Do you want to talk or just sit together for a bit?”

    Misattunement
    When the response you receive does not match what you are feeling or needing. Misattunement can be occasional and minor, or it can be frequent and painful if it happens a lot over time.
    Example: You share that you are scared, and the other person jokes or changes the subject instead of offering comfort. Or you are angry and get told, “Stop being so sensitive,” instead of being heard.

    Neuroscience
    The study of the brain and nervous system, including how they develop, change, and respond to experiences. In therapy, neuroscience helps explain why trauma, stress, and relationships can have such a big impact on our emotions and behaviors.

    Developmental neuroscience
    A branch of neuroscience that focuses specifically on how the brain and nervous system grow and change from infancy through adulthood. It helps us understand why childhood and teen experiences are so powerful for shaping later emotional patterns.

    Polyvagal theory
    A way of understanding the nervous system that focuses on how our body constantly scans for safety or danger and shifts states accordingly. It describes how we can move between states of connection (social engagement), activation (fight/flight), and shutdown (freeze/collapse). In therapy, this framework helps people notice their body’s signals and find ways back to a sense of safety.

  • Emotion
    A short-term feeling that shows up in your body and mind in response to something specific. Emotions are usually more immediate and can shift quickly, for example feeling sudden anger in an argument, fear when you hear a loud noise, or joy when you see a friend.

    Mood
    A longer-lasting emotional “tone” or atmosphere that you carry with you over time. Moods are less tied to one specific event and more like the overall weather of your day, for example feeling low, irritable, or upbeat for hours or days at a time. Emotions are like waves that rise and fall in the moment, while mood is more like the overall climate or weather pattern you are experiencing.

    Emotion regulation skills
    Tools and strategies that help you notice, handle, and soothe your feelings in a way that is as safe and helpful as possible. Examples include grounding, deep breathing, journaling, pausing before reacting, or asking for support.

    Co-regulation
    When another person’s calm, caring presence helps your body and emotions settle enough to feel a bit safer or more steady. Co-regulation is not about making a difficult feeling go away, solving the problem, or meeting every need. It is simply being with someone in a way that says, “You are not alone in this. I am here with you.”

    Example: A caregiver sits next to a child who is crying, gently says, “Of course you feel sad, that was really hard,” and stays with them until their body softens a little. The situation may not be “fixed,” but the child no longer feels alone with the feeling.

    Coping skills
    Things you do to try to feel better or to get through a difficult moment. Some are more helpful and sustainable than others. Therapy often focuses on building coping skills that support long term well-being.

    Hypervigilance
    A state of being “on guard” most of the time, scanning for danger or for something to go wrong, even in situations that may be safe.

    Dissociation
    Feeling disconnected from your body, emotions, or surroundings. This can look like spacing out, feeling far away, or feeling like things are not real. It is often a way the mind and body try to protect you from overwhelm.

    Grounding
    Simple practices that help you reconnect to the present moment and to your body, such as noticing your five senses, feeling your feet on the floor, holding a warm mug, or naming things you can see around you.

    Trigger
    Something in the present that reminds your nervous system of a past hurt or danger. The trigger might be a sound, smell, tone of voice, facial expression, situation, or even a thought. Your reaction is to both the present and the past.

    Validation
    Letting someone know that their feelings, thoughts, or reactions make sense in light of what they’ve been through, even if you might see things differently. Validation does not mean you agree with everything; it means you understand why it feels the way it does.
    Example: “Given how much you’ve had on your plate, it makes sense that you’re exhausted and overwhelmed.”

    Affirmation
    Words or phrases that recognize and support someone’s worth, strengths, or efforts. Affirmations can come from others or from yourself. They are like verbal reminders that you matter and are doing the best you can.
    Example: “I’m proud of how you’ve been showing up for yourself,” or a self-affirmation like, “I am allowed to take up space and have needs.”

    Minimization
    Downplaying or shrinking someone’s feelings, needs, or experiences so they seem less important than they really are. Minimization can be something we do to others or to ourselves, and sometimes it can be unintentional and well-meaning.

    Examples:

    • Telling a friend who is upset, “It’s going to be okay. People make it through even worse” instead of acknowledging their pain.

    • Saying to yourself, “I shouldn’t feel this way, nothing really happened,” even when you are clearly hurting.

    • Over time, minimization can lead people to doubt their own feelings and stop reaching out for support.

Relationships & Attachment

When we talk about relationships here, we do not just mean romantic partners. Relationships include anyone you are connected to over time: family members, friends, roommates, coworkers, classmates, neighbors, mentors, and partners. The patterns you notice in attachment, communication, and love languages can show up in all of these relationships, not only in dating or marriage.

  • Attachment
    The way we learn to connect with and depend on other people, especially early caregivers. These early relationships shape how safe we feel with others, how easy or hard it is to trust, and how we expect people to respond to us.

    Attachment wounds
    Experiences where important needs for connection, safety, or comfort were not met. This can include feeling rejected, unseen, shamed, or abandoned by people you depended on.

    People-pleasing
    Putting other people’s needs, wants, or comfort ahead of your own in order to feel safe, accepted, or loved. It often develops as a way to reduce conflict or avoid rejection.

    Boundary
    A limit or guideline that protects your time, energy, body, and emotional well-being. Boundaries can sound like “I am not available then,” “Please do not speak to me that way,” or “I need to stop for today.”

    Microaggressions
    Subtle comments, questions, or actions that may seem small on the surface but are hurtful or demeaning toward someone’s race, culture, gender, sexuality, or other aspects of identity. An example is repeatedly mispronouncing someone’s name after they have corrected it, or saying “You’re so articulate” in a way that implies surprise based on stereotypes.

    Emotional neglect
    A pattern where a child’s feelings and emotional needs are regularly unnoticed, dismissed, or not responded to, even if their physical needs (food, clothing, housing) are met. Emotional neglect can be quiet and unintentional, but it still teaches a child to hide or doubt their inner world.

    It can be more obvious, like when a child cries and is told, “Go to your room and come back when you’re calm,” or when a teen shares they are anxious and hears, “You’re overreacting. You have nothing to worry about.”

    It can also be very subtle. For example, a teen might write a letter to their parents sharing that they are having thoughts of suicide and the letter is never acknowledged or brought up. Or a traumatic event happens in the family and it is never talked about, even though it clearly affects the child.

    Over time, experiences like these can lead someone to keep feelings to themselves, believe their emotions do not matter, or feel unsure whether they are “allowed” to be upset.

    Attunement
    When someone is emotionally “tuned in” to you. Attunement means they notice your cues, check in with how you are feeling, and respond in a way that fits what you need in the moment.
    Example: A parent notices their child getting quiet and withdrawn and gently says, “You seem a little off today. Do you want to talk or just sit together for a bit?”

    Misattunement
    When the response you receive does not match what you are feeling or needing. Misattunement can be occasional and minor, or it can be frequent and painful if it happens a lot over time.
    Example: You share that you are scared, and the other person jokes or changes the subject instead of offering comfort. Or you are angry and get told, “Stop being so sensitive,” instead of being heard.

    Co-regulation
    When another person’s calm, caring presence helps your body and emotions settle enough to feel a bit safer or more steady. Co-regulation is not about making a difficult feeling go away, solving the problem, or meeting every need. It is simply being with someone in a way that says, “You are not alone in this. I am here with you.”

    Example: A caregiver sits next to a child who is crying, gently says, “Of course you feel sad, that was really hard,” and stays with them until their body softens a little. The situation may not be “fixed,” but the child no longer feels alone with the feeling.

  • Attachment
    The way we learn to connect with and depend on other people, especially early caregivers. These early relationships shape how safe we feel with others, how easy or hard it is to trust, and how we expect people to respond to us.

    Attachment wounds
    Experiences where important needs for connection, safety, or comfort were not met. This can include feeling rejected, unseen, shamed, or abandoned by people you depended on.

    ATTACHMENT STYLES

    Attachment styles are not fixed labels or life sentences. They are patterns that often begin in early relationships and can be shaped by later experiences, including therapy, friendships, and healthy romantic relationships. Many people see parts of themselves in more than one style, and that is normal.

    If you notice yourself in any of these descriptions, it does not mean something is wrong with you. It means your nervous system adapted to the relationships and environments you had. With support, these patterns can soften and change.

    Secure attachment
    When early caregivers are mostly consistent, responsive, and emotionally available, children often develop a secure attachment. They learn that it is safe to reach out for comfort and that their needs matter.

    • As a child: A securely attached child might cry when a caregiver leaves, but can be comforted when they return. They explore, come back for reassurance, then feel safe to explore again.

    • As an adult: Someone with a more secure attachment style often finds it easier to trust others, share feelings, and receive support. They can be close to others without feeling overwhelmed, and can usually handle conflict without fearing that the relationship will immediately end.

    Anxious attachment
    Sometimes called anxious or preoccupied attachment. This can develop when caregivers are loving but inconsistent. Sometimes they are very present, other times distracted, overwhelmed, or emotionally unavailable. The child learns that connection is uncertain and may feel like they have to work hard to keep it.

    • As a child: An anxiously attached child might cling a lot, worry when a caregiver leaves, and have a hard time calming down even after the caregiver returns. They may seem “needy” or very sensitive to changes in mood or attention.

    • As an adult: Someone with an anxious attachment style may worry a lot about being abandoned or not being good enough. They might overthink texts, need frequent reassurance, or feel very distressed if a partner seems distant. They may say things like, “I know they love me, but I still feel like they are going to leave.”

    Avoidant attachment
    Sometimes called dismissive attachment. This can develop when caregivers consistently minimize, ignore, or discourage a child’s emotional needs, even if they meet physical needs. The child learns that it is safer to turn inward and rely only on themselves.

    • As a child: An avoidantly attached child may seem very “independent” and not show much distress when a caregiver leaves or returns, even if they are upset on the inside. They may be praised for being “low maintenance,” but often feel alone with their feelings.

    • As an adult: Someone with an avoidant attachment style may feel uncomfortable with too much closeness, and may pull back when relationships start to feel emotionally intense. They might downplay their needs, have a hard time asking for help, or feel more comfortable focusing on work, hobbies, or problem solving instead of emotions.

    Disorganized or fearful-avoidant attachment
    This can develop when caregivers are a source of both comfort and fear. For example, if a caregiver is frightening, unpredictable, or dealing with their own untreated trauma or addiction. The child’s nervous system gets very mixed signals about whether closeness is safe.

    • As a child: A child with disorganized attachment may show confusing or contradictory behaviors. They might run toward a caregiver then freeze, or seem frightened of the very person they are seeking comfort from. They may not have a clear way to feel safe.

    • As an adult: Someone with this pattern may both crave closeness and fear it. They might get very close very quickly, then suddenly pull away. They may have big shifts between “I need you, please don’t leave” and “I cannot handle being this close.” Relationships can feel intense, confusing, or chaotic.

  • Many people relate to more than one love language, and your preferences can change over time or across relationships. Love languages are not boxes you must fit into, but one way to understand how you most easily feel cared for and how those around you may feel loved in return. How you express love most easily may also look different from how you receive love most easily.

    Words of affirmation
    Feeling loved when someone uses caring, encouraging, or appreciative words. This can look like “I’m proud of you,” “I appreciate everything you do,” or “I love you and I am glad you are here.” Texts, notes, or verbal check-ins can all matter a lot for people who connect most through words.

    Quality time
    Feeling loved when someone gives you their focused attention. This might mean talking without distractions, doing an activity together, going on a walk, or simply sitting together and being present. The emphasis is less on what you are doing and more on feeling truly seen and engaged with.

    Acts of service
    Feeling loved when someone helps you with practical tasks or eases your load. Examples include doing the dishes, helping with childcare, running an errand, or starting the car on a cold day. These actions send the message, “I care about you and I want to make things a little easier for you.”

    Physical touch
    Feeling loved through safe, welcome touch. This might include hugs, holding hands, cuddling on the couch, a reassuring hand on the shoulder, or other forms of affectionate touch that feel comfortable for both people. For some, physical closeness brings a strong sense of comfort and connection.

    Receiving gifts
    Feeling loved when someone gives thoughtful, meaningful items. This is not about the price of the gift, but rather the sense that “you were thinking of me.” It might be a favorite snack, a book they knew you would like, a handmade card, or flowers from the yard.

  • Communication styles
    The usual ways someone tends to express their needs, thoughts, and feelings in conversation. Most people use more than one style depending on the situation, stress level, and who they are talking with.

    Assertive communication
    Expressing your thoughts, feelings, and needs clearly and respectfully, while also considering the other person’s needs. Assertive communication might sound like, “I feel overwhelmed when I do all the cleaning. Can we talk about how to share chores more fairly?”

    Passive communication
    Downplaying or ignoring your own needs to avoid conflict or keep the peace. Passive communication might sound like, “It’s fine, don’t worry about it,” when it is actually not fine. Over time this can build resentment or burnout.

    Aggressive communication
    Expressing needs or feelings in a way that is blaming, sharp, or overpowering. Aggressive communication might sound like, “You never listen. You’re so selfish.” It often leaves the other person feeling attacked or shut down.

    Passive-aggressive communication
    Expressing anger or hurt in indirect ways rather than saying it openly. This might look like sarcasm, giving the silent treatment, making backhanded comments, or saying “It’s fine” in a tone that clearly shows it is not fine. The message is partly hidden, which can make it confusing for both people.

    Most people do not use just one style all the time. Stress, past experiences, and relationship patterns can all affect how we communicate. Therapy can help you move toward more assertive, respectful communication with others and with yourself.

  • Roadblocks to communication
    Patterns that make it hard for two people to really hear and understand each other. These often show up automatically, especially when people feel stressed, defensive, or hurt.

    Some Common Roadblocks Include:

    • Interrupting
      Talking over someone or jumping in before they finish. This can leave the other person feeling unheard or dismissed.

    • Mind reading
      Assuming you know what the other person thinks or feels without checking. For example, “You obviously don’t care,” instead of asking, “What is going on for you right now?”

    • Blaming
      Focusing on whose fault something is instead of trying to understand what happened and how to solve it together. For example, “This is all because of you,” rather than “We both seem stressed. Can we slow down and talk?”

    • Shutting down
      Going quiet, checking out, or changing the subject when a hard topic comes up. Sometimes this is a nervous system response to feeling overwhelmed, not intentional rudeness, but it can still block connection.

    • Problem solving too quickly
      Jumping into advice or solutions before the other person feels heard. Often people do this to be helpful, but what the listener really needs first is validation and understanding.

    • Name-calling or insults
      Using hurtful labels or attacks on the other person’s character rather than talking about specific behaviors. This usually increases defensiveness and pain instead of resolving anything.

    • Minimization
      Downplaying or shrinking someone’s feelings, needs, or experiences so they seem less important than they really are. Minimization can be something we do to others or to ourselves, and sometimes it can be unintentional and well-meaning.
      Examples:

      • Telling a friend who is upset, “It’s going to be okay. People make it through even worse” instead of acknowledging their pain.

      • Saying to yourself, “I shouldn’t feel this way, nothing really happened,” even when you are clearly hurting.

      • Over time, minimization can lead people to doubt their own feelings and stop reaching out for support.

    Roadblocks do not mean a relationship is doomed. They are patterns that can be noticed, talked about, and changed. Learning to slow down, listen, and speak from “I feel…” rather than “You always…” can open the door to more connection.

  • Harsh criticism
    Attacking the other person’s character instead of describing a specific behavior. For example, “You’re so lazy,” instead of “When the dishes pile up, I feel stressed.” Harsh criticism often leads to shame, defensiveness, and more distance.

    Contempt
    Showing sarcasm, eye-rolling, mocking, or disrespect toward the other person. Contempt sends the message, “I am above you,” and is especially damaging to relationships. It can sound like, “Wow, nice job, as usual,” said in a cutting tone.

    Defensiveness
    Protecting yourself by making excuses, denying responsibility, or quickly shifting blame. For example, “It’s not my fault. You’re the one who…” Instead of calming things down, defensiveness often makes conflicts last longer.

    Stonewalling or shutting down
    Withdrawing from the conversation by going silent, walking away, or staring off without responding. On the inside, the person is usually overwhelmed or flooded, not uncaring. Without repair, this can leave the other person feeling ignored or abandoned.

    Emotional flooding
    Feeling so overwhelmed by emotion in a conflict that your body goes into a stress response. You might feel your heart racing, mind going blank, or a strong urge to escape the conversation. When flooded, it is very hard to listen or speak calmly.

    Bids for connection
    Small or big attempts to connect with someone. This might be a joke, a gentle touch, sharing something about your day, asking a question, or saying, “Are you busy?” Bids are ways we say, “Do you see me?” or “Can we connect for a moment?”

    Turning toward, away, or against
    Ways we respond to bids for connection:

    • Turning toward: responding with interest or warmth, even in a small way, like, “Oh, tell me more,” or a smile.

    • Turning away: ignoring, not noticing, or staying absorbed in something else.

    • Turning against: responding with irritation, criticism, or annoyance.

    Over time, many small moments of turning toward build trust and closeness. Many missed or harsh responses can build loneliness and distance.

    Repair attempts
    Any effort to calm things down and reconnect during or after a difficult moment. This might be humor, an apology, a deep breath, saying “Can we start over,” or reaching out a hand. Successful repairs do not erase conflict but help it become less damaging.

    These patterns are common and often come from stress, past experiences, and nervous system responses, not from anyone being “bad.” Learning to notice them with curiosity, rather than shame, makes it easier to shift toward more supportive ways of relating.